I love the ability to see beauty! Not just in the aesthetically pleasing, but everyday moments and events in life. A few years ago I met a girl who said the word beautiful a lot. She was just a really positive person, and while I had never heard “beautiful” used as a response to much of what she used it for, I really liked it. Then, after hanging out with her for a while, it began to rub off on me. I came home, and I couldn’t stop saying it either. Many people called me out on it, saying it was an incorrect use of the word, and so I soon stopped, but I want to bring it back. I recently began saying it more which led to a close friend of mine asking me today if I should save that word for things that were truly beautiful. This of course left me to explain why the amount and way in which I used the word, to me, was fine. There is more to beauty than the aesthetic. Sure there is a lot of bad in this world, but God originally created it all as good, and while the world has stained it with evil, there is still a lot of good and beauty in it. And not just the more easily seen beauty of this world, though, sunsets, mountain top views, flowers, and star filled skies are all very important for us to notice. But God himself is beautiful, and when His glory is seen by our small actions, that is beautiful. His blessings and bestowed talents are also beautiful gifts to us as well, and when we use them it is beautiful. In scripture we are called His masterpiece, and I don’t know about you, but when I walk into a museum, and see some of the masterpieces that some of the great artists have done, I can’t help but stand in awe of their beauty. So if we are His masterpieces, there has to be beautiful things throughout our lives, and what a shame that would be if they went unnoticed. Acts of kindness, small achievements, smiles, and, laughs, these are all things that we need to notice and see the beauty in. A kind deed is very beautiful, as are the meals my mother makes every day, but how often do I say in response to the set table, beautiful!! Sure there are some things that are universally seen as beautiful, but I think that as God opens our eyes we should be able to see beauty in more than just the aesthetic. An old Confucius proverb is that “everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” I think there is a lot of truth in that statement. I think if we take a closer look, more often than not, we will see something of immense beauty. An Italian poet, Dante Alighieri, also once wrote that “beauty awakens the soul to act.” If this is true, than wouldn’t there be great benefit in noticing more of the beauty around us? If we see the beauty in kindness, and our desire is to be beautiful, as I think most do desire, than shouldn’t acknowledging the beauty of it cause us to want to be more kind as well? I want to respond with the word beautiful more so that I can be reminded of all of the beauty that surrounds me. I want this to be my response so that my life in turn will be inspired to act in these ways of beauty. And lastly, but most important, I want to respond with the word beautiful to call what God daily does in this world, for what it is. Sure we may have splattered paint across His masterpiece, but He is continually restoring and renewing His creation into a beautiful masterpiece, and I want to show others this by pointing out its beauty.

I love Thanksgiving. I mean I love this concept of eating lots of good food with friends and family until you can’t eat anymore, and then eating some more, but the real meaning of thanksgiving is something I love even more. The concept of setting aside a day just to be thankful, and then celebrate with friends and family just how much there is to be thankful for. I know that meaning can sometimes get lost amongst all the turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes, but what if on thanksgiving, we filled ourselves with gratitude? In the Message version of Ephesians 5 it says, “Thanksgiving is our dialect.” I think that is such a beautiful phrase. Could you imagine a place where the accent with which one spoke in was that of thanksgiving? Where everything they spoke had at least a hint of gratitude. Language is part of our identity whether we want it to be or not. It tells of where we’ve been, and the culture with which we were brought up in. I’m always captivated when I see someone of one race speak with the accent of another. It speaks louder than even their appearance. So what if thanksgiving really was our dialect. Maybe it wouldn’t speak of where we’ve come from, but it sure would tell of where we are going. Our lives may have had their share of hardship, but we’ve been saved from that, and the one who saved us, has also given us so much and so now the way we talk sure tell of that. We have so much to be grateful for that the very way in which we speak should be saturated with it. Maybe we forgot about the true meaning of thanksgiving a few days ago, or maybe we didn’t celebrate it as fully as we should have, but don’t worry, for gratitude is something we should celebrate more than one day a year. It should be something that is a part of us each day, just like the way we talk is something that is a part of us daily. And so with that I challenge you, starting with today, let thanksgiving become your dialect.

I love great love stories!! I mean who doesn’t, but this weekend as I looked for a good tear-jerker to watch with my friend I wondered why I liked movies that made me cry. I realized that it’s because they are usually the ones with the greatest love stories. When the characters have to go through everything in order to be with the one they love it tells a story of the extent of their love. I think I like these tear jerkers because it shows how strong some love is. So strong that it’s worth the heartache, and I want to know that that kind of love exists. And yet it does. Jesus showed us that Great love when He died on the cross for us. He is the greatest love story of all time, but are we making it even better. There are those sad stories where one character loves the other, and goes through everything to show it, and they are amazing, but they always end with tears of sadness because the one who deserves the love doesn’t get the girl. Those ones just make me extra sad, my favorite are the ones where both the guy and girl go through everything for the other, they both give up so much in hopes of bringing happiness to the other. You know the story where the wife sells her hair in order to buy a chain for the husband’s watch and the husband sells his watch to buy her a comb. It’s a terribly sad story, and yet it makes me so happy, because it tells of a love so real that both give up their best, so that the other can have more. God did that for us, He gave us His best. He gave us His only son, but what have we given Him. Have we given Him our best, our most treasured? Some of us might have given him some nice things, but how many of us have truly given Him our best? And yet that is what we are called to do if we want to truly follow Him. We have to give up everything. We have to give up living our lives for ourselves, we have to abandon all attachments to this world, and just follow Him.  The love story, The Gift of the Magi, is so beautiful because their love for the other was worth more than what they had. It was worth more than what they were giving up.  When God went to His disciples and told them to follow Him, they could, because the lives they were giving up, were worth less to them, then the lives they would gain by following Him. What about our lives is so precious that they aren’t worth giving up, for Him? What are we holding on to that is more precious than Him? That’s the question I need to answer, and then re-evaluate my value system, because I honestly can’t think of a anything better, than Him, and yet I can’t seem to let go. I love great love stories, and while the story God has written me into is already great, I want to contribute to it. I want my life to be a love story back to Him.

I love drums. I especially love them when we are worshiping God. Tonight I went to my college’s worship service for a little, and at the end we were singing this song and the drummer got really into it and just started drumming unrestrained. It was awesome; it was like it set the beat to our hearts as we sang out with all we had to our God.  I couldn’t stay still with a beat like that, just as I couldn’t stand still at the thought of how awesome our God is and so the drums just became the rhythm to which my body and worship moved. As the whole room filled with our praise as we sang to be heard over the drums, and yet to the beat of it, it reminded me of one of my childhood images of heaven. I watched a lot of action movies growing up, and one of them was the Matrix Reloaded. In it there is a scene where Morpheus gives this speech to the people of Zion while they are all gathered in this giant cave where he talks of how they shouldn’t be afraid, and how they have been through so much, and yet are still here, and that tonight they should make the walls of this cave shake to let it be known and remembered that they are Zion and they are not afraid. His energy rises as he gives this speech, and when he finishes, the drums begin to beat wildly, and everyone breaks out dancing and shouting. I know it’s a weird picture of heaven, especially since its deep in a cave as human kind is facing extinction, but the part that stuck with me was the unrestrained passion. I use to think that when we got to heaven DC Talk’s Free, free I’m free at Last would break out and we would all start singing and dancing as we worshiped our God and realized that we had arrived. That finally we had come to the end of our time on earth, and entered our eternity with God, and were finally free. It’s weird, I know, that’s what happens to PK’s who are raised on 90’s Christian music and grow up watching action movies too early, but honestly, how awesome would that be, to get to heaven and sing out with reckless worship our Savior, our God. Tonight gave me a glimpse of that dream. I remember looking out at the drummer and seeing this smile on his face. You know the kind that you can only give if you are genuinely so happy you have to call it God given joy. It was that one. He loved his God, and he loved to play his drums, and at that moment he was giving God everything he had, and so he couldn’t help but smile. These moments here on earth show me that Heaven is going to beyond my greatest dreams. If we can worship Him now with smiles only he can give, and heaven is going to be better, than I can’t even begin to image the kind of life heaven is going to be. In the matrix, they wanted to make the cave walls tremble, the earth tremble, in heaven, we are going to make the heavens tremble in honor of who He is. Just imagine, no longer are the rocks crying out, but rather this galaxy in awe of who He is.

“Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember. I remember that I am here not because of the path that lies before me but because of the path that lies behind me. I remember that for 100 years we have fought these machines. I remember that for 100 years they have sent their armies to destroy us, and after a century of war I remember that which matters most... We are still here! Today, let us send a message to that army. Tonight, let us shake this cave. Tonight, let us tremble these halls of earth, steel, and stone, let us be heard from red core to black sky. Tonight, let us make them remember, THIS IS ZION AND WE ARE NOT AFRAID!”

When we get to heaven we will remember the path that lies behind us; all that Christ did for us, both in His sacrifice, but also in remembrance of all He continued to do in us throughout our lives. And we’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all!!!! And we will let it be known how grateful we are as we worship Him!!

I love spending quality times with quality friends. This weekend I got to spend the weekend with some great friends in Iowa, and it was so much fun!!!! Only in Iowa will people ask you if you walked through a corn field to get to where you are, and only in Iowa can you actually say yes!!  I loved getting to see my roommate’s home and family. The weekend consisted of eating way too much food, laying on the floor rubbing our stomachs because we ate too much, laughing, dancing, crafting, fishing, playing with puppies and kittens, seeing Iowa, walking through corn mazes, and eating some more!!!! The trip was a blast, but one of my favorite parts was when we first pulled into the development Abby, my roommate, lived in. Her parents co-own it and so she has a ton of memories with starting it and watching it grow. Anyway, she was super excited to be coming home, and as soon as we turned onto the road, she just went off. Everything she saw had a memory attached to it, and she couldn’t talk fast enough to explain each memory to us. It was so cool to see her excitement, and made me think of how many memories I have attached to my home and where I live.

I loved my childhood. I loved growing up in a big family and being able to just play and be crazy. I have so many fond memories, but one of my fondest is the way I looked up to my dad as a kid. I must have actually thought he was a superhero because whenever I was with him I was fearless. I was the kid who if my dad was in the room, would jump off the top of the stairs because I knew he would catch me. I remember when I was about five being on the tire swing, and my dad was pushing me. I was going super high and laughing, and then all of a sudden my dad’s face changed to one of worry, and I saw the rope the tire was attached to fall. I remember being so confused, since I didn’t understand what the big deal was, clearly my dad would just catch the rope and everything would be okay. He did, of course, and everything was okay, except that my tire swing ride was now over. I remember this story so vividly, and yet I feel like it had to have been a dream or something, because one, that seems to be too intense to be true, and two, I don’t know how the rope could have broke, that’s so unlike my dad!! Regardless, looking back that was how I was as a kid; almost ignorantly fearless since I didn’t realize the danger, but that is something I want back. I want my spiritual life to be more like that of my childhood. I want to be so sure of the strength of my Father that everyone else around me looks at my life with worry, and I am just confused as to why. I want to be like young David, looking out at Goliath, and saying to his brothers, “but why is no one standing up to him?” To be oblivious to the danger of the situation, since my courage is not based in my strength, but God’s.  I want to be the child of God that sees Him in the room with me wherever I go, and just jumps into His arms and His plan without fear, because there is no question in my mind, that He will catch me. The rope may fall, and worry might be seen in the eyes of those around me, but not mine, because I know He will catch it before I can hit the ground. That’s what I want. I guess some may call that kind of courage, and fearlessness, foolishness, and by the world’s eyes, that’s probably true, but it’s also fine with me. We are all fools without God’s wisdom, and so I rather be a fool for God, than a fool for this world. So as I strive to fearlessly live and love for God, I want to learn how to have this faith like a child, and jump into His arms, and plans for me, even when no one else will.

I love when what starts out as one thing, becomes something so much bigger. When I set out with this blog, I wanted to write about the things I love, both the life changing, and small, but day making kind of things. I wanted to write about my journey to get to the point of being so filled with God loves that my heart could never be broken; the point where my life is beacon of God’s love through me.  But lately, I realized that while God’s love heals, it also breaks. It’s a love so selfless that it can’t help but break. Hillsong puts out some great lyrics, and in one of my favorite songs by them, Hosanna, they sing, “Break my heart for what breaks Yours,” and let me tell you that kind of break hurts. I mean it’s a break that led God to send His only son to die for us. By trying to use God’s love as a way to avoid heartbreak, I’ve found it more. I see the hurt and pain in others’ lives and my helplessness to ease it. I wish my love would be enough to ease theirs. That mine would be greater than their need to find love elsewhere, but I know that my love could never be that powerful, only God’s is. But then I watch them refuse to accept His either, and that kind of sadness breaks my heart. All I wish for is that they could be happy, but all I see is them struggle all the while knowing they don’t have to, and it hurts. You try to reach out, but they turn away, and you’re left in tears because you know their tears are coming, and you can’t prevent it. I know God lets us go through these pains because it’s only when we have nothing left that we finally choose Him. I know this is true of all of us, I just wish it didn’t have to be. I mean He’s there all along, why can’t we just take His love and let His love fuel our life, and give us joy. Why do we have to choose everything but Him? But then I think of how much my heart hurts when I see all of this, and realize that my heart only breaks for a fraction of what breaks God. And I remember how God’s love is so much greater than mine, so the break must be all the bigger. I remember how much farther He goes to bring us back, and realize that the hurt He goes through is more than I could ever imagine. I mean His love is greater, so how much greater must His heartbreak be? He went all the way to the cross to show us we’re worth it, and for many of us it still wasn’t enough. The lyrics, “Oh how he loves us,” begin to take on a whole new meaning when I think of what He does to show us, we are worth it. That He loves us till the end. I’m mystified.  I mean think of your favorite love story and then times it by infinity. He is more loving than any Prince Charming and we are more undeserving and despicable than even the cruelest villain, and yet we get to be the princess He fights not dragons, but demons for. The ones He fights for, only to be told, I didn’t want to be saved, go away!! I don’t understand, why He keeps trying, but I’m so glad He never gave up on me, and while my heart breaks for those who like me, reject Him, I find hope in Him. And I find that my downcast heart can still sing for Him, because His love is greater than mine, and while I don’t know how He’s gonna save yet another lost, ungrateful soul, I know He will. “Oh how He love us, oh how He loves us, how He loves us all.”

I love this video. I'm sure many of you have seen this skit before, but it really shows how even as God is reaching out to us, we choose everything, but Him, but how He also never gives up on us!!!

I love the fall. I love when the leaves fall and you just can’t walk down a path normally anymore. This wasn’t always the case, but ever since I met an awesome person who loves to crunch leaves, I haven’t walked the same. Why? Because  if you know anything about the art of crunching leaves, you know that once you spot a good leaf you have to run up to it and stomp on it, thus making your walk down any path far from normal. I love going apple picking even to places that have no apples. And bunny lofts that have no bunnies. I love petting zoos with lamas, alpacas, camels, bunnies, small exotic deer, and big turtles. I love tractor rides and pumpkin picking. I love running through pumpkin patches and corn mazes. I love apple launchers even if they are over taken by little boys who steal  your corn and launch it instead, because even though it makes me sad, it reminds me of other sad, but funny childhood memories, which always make me smile, since I loved my childhood. A childhood filled with memories like when my little stuffed bunny was launched out of the potato canon instead of a potato. And I love, love, love apple cider and apple donuts. I just love all of the activities that come with the fall. But what I love the most is driving down picturesque roads on your way to church and seeing how God’s glory is an ongoing and active thing. Seeing how His masterpiece doesn’t stand still in time like our mere creations, but rather changes just like how we change, for we are His creations too, and His work is still active in us. I love that there is so much beauty in a leaf even as it dies, and falls to the ground. It brings me hope that even in times when my life is changing and I feel like part of me is dying, there is still beauty, because God is present and at work in my life. Just like a tree goes through seasons, so do our lives. We have our springs and summers, but we also have our falls and winters, and while each are all known for something in particular, they are all still beautiful and show testament of His Glory. God is working in me and it makes me so happy that He is my creator, for it means that even in my hardships there is beauty. Just as I find beauty in the trees as their leaves change and die, God shows His beauty in us when we change for Him and die to self. Creation tells of His glory. This is a known fact, by any theologian. My prayer is that we, His creation, would also tell of His glory. That the way our lives change for Him, would tell of His glory in a way that can’t be denied. Lord, I pray that the pains of my life would be like the death of a leaf, and show Your glory.

I love when the lyrics to a song become my life. “Today was a fairytale, I wore a dress…” Tonight I went downtown with friends and got to watch thousands of lanterns be released into the sky at night. It was like I was in the movie tangled, and I got to pretend I was a princess as I stood by the water, all I was missing was a boat and a thief turned good!! But my fairytale of a day didn’t begin there, it lasted all day. Chapel was lead by Brilliance, and it was wonderful. They are such a good band, and as I stood there surround by hundreds of fellow students just worshipping our amazing God, I knew that this day, this life, was going to be good! Why, because it has his fingerprints in our lives, and that makes them beautiful and that is what we sang about.

You heard the cry of our hearts, and you came down
Freely you gave us your love, showing us how
Make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love
Where there is darkness, let me shine light
May your love cause us to open up, cause us to open up our hearts
May your light cause us to shine so bright that we bring hope into the dark
All that we do without love, it means nothing
Grant us the courage to give as you’re calling
Make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred let me sow love
Where there is darkness let me shine light
Hope for the hopeless, your love is
Strength in our weakness, your love is
May we love as you love

As I stood there soaking it all in I couldn’t help but be completely filled with pure happiness. This was my prayer that I would be able to love as He loves. That He could use me to be light in this world, to bring hope to the hopeless. It was such a beautiful and convicting thing. Was I giving my life over to God to use as He wished to show His love, or was I trying to keep it in, and not open up? This will be a continual prayer, but I know that He will work in me to create in me the woman that He designed me to become; to be His daughter, His shining light in this dark world, and that knowledge, that honor, fills me with utter joy. The service refocused and set my day off to a lovely start. I then got to discuss this amazing God some more with a good friend over lunch, which only added to the loveliness of the day. The afternoon soon lead to Frisbee games, and long boarding with friends, followed by my adventures in a city blanketed in thousands of lights. It was beautiful!!! But the city wasn’t just filled with light, it was booming with the excitement of Art prize, an event that is basically Grand Rapids, covered in art. It was awesome. The car ride back was a party too, lots of dancing and singing along to music blaring , and windows opened, including the sun roof, which we stuck our heads out of, even though it wasn’t a limo, or NYC, just Grand Rapids. These adventures were followed by a curly gone straight party, as we straightened some very curly hair, of two awesome siblings!! They looked completely different, and while it was fun, I’m glad they have their beautiful golden curly locks; it helps to radiate their happiness. I’m glad today was filled with so many fun adventures, and I’m so glad I have such awesome friends that help to turn my life into this happily ever after I’m spending every day in, with them. 

I love best friends, and I love when you realize just how big of blessing they really are. I love when you can’t help but smile, because you just know that out of everyone in the whole world, you really are the luckiest!! I love when we plead with God and then He answers us by showing us something we always had. That’s how I met Annie, my best friend forever, and that is who she continues to be to me; the answer to my pleading prayers. In ninth grade I spent many days crying and praying for a best friend, someone who would understand me, and laugh with me, and just go crazy with me, and the whole time I was praying, she was sitting right next to me in Chorus, I just didn't know! Years later, as I struggle, and pray, and cry, God once again, shows me, Annie, the girl always is, and always will be there for me. Last night at my college’s chapel service, our chaplain mentioned how God will give us the community we need to get the things He has us do, done. How sometimes we think we need something, or someone, but how we need to trust that God knows exactly what we need, and He will give it to us. Well, when I heard that, I didn't want to accept it. I just didn’t see how God was going to work it all out. But He did, and He continues to. He’s given me an amazing community here at Calvin, and back home. He’s given me an awesome family. And He’s given me Him. He is always there for me, even when I don’t see it. But just because He is so awesome, like David was given Jonathon, God gave me Annie, and tonight I once again realized how truly blessed that makes me. He used a girl 800 miles away, to once again answer a prayer I've been pleading with Him to answer. I’m so glad that He answers our prayers and continues to give us blessing we don’t deserve!!  

I love song lyrics because they always seem to say exactly what I feel, and they say it so beautifully and to music. This is the song that sums up the realizations I’ve come to recently, and my prayer now that I see how I can’t carry everything alone. God, give me the strength and wisdom to choose you and to trust you with my life; all the deepest parts of me.

A song by Ginny Owens, a Christian singer and songwriter who has some of the best lyrics!!

To Trust You

I'm knocking on Your door,

Won't you answer?

I'm waiting for a word,

Or just a whisper;

But if You can't answer me this time,

I can handle everything just fine

'Cause somehow I seem to think I have power,

And I know best how to make things better,

I try to carry everything alone,

But now the time has come to let go

To trust You with my life,

To believe You all the time,

And to leave my doubt behind,

Oh to trust You with my life.

Will I ever learn to stop and listen,

To keep knocking on Your door until it opens,

Teach me what it means to believe,

That You are strong enough to carry me

Oh, to trust You with my life,

To believe You all the time,

And to leave my doubt behind,

Oh, to trust You with my life.

And to give You everything,

All the deepest parts of me,

And to know You're always right,

To trust You with my life.

Broken here before You on my knees,

Is my only hope of finding peace

I was recently asked to literally write a ramble about myself, to give a little insight into my life, and this is what i wrote:

I love laughing, especially when I am at the dinner table with my whole family and none of us are eating anymore because we are laughing so hard. I love music, and dancing to it just because it’s so freeing to move around and just be happy. I love when I feel like I’m in an old movie because I have an apron on, and I’m making dinner, and I’m dancing throughout the kitchen to old music, like Frank Sinatra. I love dreaming, and I love old love stories. I love many things. I love winters because of hot cocoa, sleds, ice skating, snowmen, snow angels, and watching the house transform as you listen to Christmas music and decorate the tree. I love passionate people because they live life and glow when they talk about what they are doing. I love chocolate, because it is amazing, and I am a girl. I love Audrey Hepburn and Zooey Deschanel because they are both lovely actresses who just seem so happy and independent and loving. I love pictures because it captures the happiest of moments, and shows beauty in ways our eyes often miss. I love vintage things because it reminds me of a time when I think love was the strongest. I mean I probably am just a romantic, but the trials of the depression and wars made people hold on to those they love like no other time. In one of my favorite movies, Shining Through, Linda Voss, a woman in love with a high up Military commander who is about to get on a plane and who just said goodbye for what sounds like forever, since they just entered into WWII, says to him, “What is a war for if not to hold on to the ones we love?” And let me just say, the movie ends with them holding on to the things they love… each other. I love many things, and while I feel as if I could go on forever, I think that gives you a little insight into me. I’m a girl who loves to love.

I love when I just can’t stop smiling. I love when I just feel the need to dance and jump up and down and just go crazy because I have so much happiness inside and I just can’t keep it in. The reason for this joy? No special event or anything like that. Just God. I know that sounds weird, but He’s been working in me a lot these past few days, and He finally just won out, and now that He’s given me this joy, the kind of joy only He can give, I can’t help but be happy. I think its freedom. I’ve been holding on to so much and depending on my own strength for so long that it imprisoned me. It took away so of my joy and bonded me in fear and worry. I think this is a glimpse of what I’ve been seeking; this whole idea of loving fearlessly, and love casting out fears so that we can love fearlessly. The overwhelming realization of the extent of God’s love cast out my fears. I was able to let go of so much because I knew that I am held in the arms of a God who isn’t just loving, He is love!! I mean think about that. He is the definition of love. What fear could you possibly have if you are loved by love itself? There is no fear of rejection, or failure, or anything, because no matter what you are loved. So why am I so happy? I’m happy because I finally realized that I have nothing to fear. I’m happy because I was freed from all my worries. I am happy, because I am unconditionally loved by love itself. Nothing in my life has changed. I still have no idea how things are going to turn out, and where my life is headed, but my attitude towards that realization has changed. I guess it’s kind of like King Jehosephat when he was surrounded by enemies. He didn’t know what was going to happen, or how they were going to get out of it all, but He knew that God was in control and so he rejoiced!! Yeah, he rejoiced, he didn’t just stay calm and trust in Him, he rejoiced, because He knew God was about to do something amazing. I guess that’s a bit like how I feel. I still have no idea what to do about the problems life brings, but I can’t help but rejoice because God, not me, is in control, and He does some pretty amazing things!! “For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” (2 Chronicles 20:12b) How amazing is that, that when we feel powerless we can rejoice, because we are children of God, and He is power, and love, and just everything we need and more. My prayer is that we could all live in light of that. Live in the light of His love. Live fearless lives for Him, because His love for us casts out all of our fears already. 

I love when you hear a message so directed at you, and so well done that you literally can’t take your eyes off the preacher. Where you feel the urge to write down every word they say, but do nothing because any pause to get out a paper and pencil might cause you to miss out on even one word. As I sat in Chapel today I knew that God was using our awesome Chaplain, Mary Hulst, to teach me what I needed to hear. It was on the Sermon on the Mount and the Blessings only God can give. She talked about our need to do it all; to prove that we can do it all. And as she continued to talk I knew I was exactly the kind of person she was describing. I’ve always wanted to do it all, be included in everything. Maybe it’s a middle child thing, always wanting to be in both groups, to do what both the older and younger sibling were doing. Whatever the reason that has been the problem causer all my life. I fill my life beyond busy, even when everyone around me tells me that less is more. And then I find that I can’t do it all, or worst I think I can even when I’m not and I add more to my life. Anyway she talked of how these aren’t the blessings God gives, but the world. Nowhere in the bible does it say, “Blessed are those who achieve the highest GPA’s for theirs in the scholarships.” Or “Blessed are those who work hard in sports, for theirs is the championships.”  Or my favorite, “Blessed are those who do it all, for they will be loved and in high demand by everyone.” These are the blessing I’ve been pursuing whether I realized it or not, and as my pastor shared yesterday, these aren’t the blessings I should be in pursuit of. Then Pastor Mary made the statement that almost led me to tears right there, “Don’t you want to be blessed by someone you don’t have to impress?” Christ didn’t stand on a mountain blessing those who had it all together, He gave the blessing to those “who weren’t making it and could no longer fake it.” I can’t do it all, I’m just a normal girl, trying to make a difference in this big world, but I think I’m just beginning to realize, I am too small. The one that is big is God, and unless I rest in His peace, and pursue Him, I will never find, or achieve what I am looking for. I’m beginning to see this truth, but I know I’m still far from living it out. Even as I write I am scared to think of what this actually means. What things do I need to get rid of in my life? Everything seems so important, and maybe they are to some degree, but none are more important than God, and if I let the busyness of life keep me from making time for Him, or even being able to rest in Him, then they need to go. I’m glad God is continuing to make me new, but for anyone reading this, prayer that I would actually listen, I mean listen to the point of making lifestyle changes, that would be wonderful. I don’t know what this means for my life, but if it means that I am finally pursing the blessing only God can give, and not the world’s blessings, than I know it’s a change for the better.

I love the peace that only God can give. I love when he teaches you something in Church and then life happens, you get down, and God reminds you of what He just taught you, and you are able to apply it to your life. Some like to call it good timing, I like to call it God’s timing. He’s teaching you the lessons He knows you are going to need. Today in church the pastor gave a sermon on the purpose of the church, but during the intro he made a statement that really caught my attention. “Don’t let blessings become about the stuff of this world, but rather the relationship with Him.” I think that’s what I’ve been doing lately. I’ve been making life about what I want, and I’ve been letting that determine my attitude. If things are going good, I’m happy, if things aren’t, or I’m frustrated, or disappointed, then I’m sad and down. But that’s a pretty selfish lifestyle; and a life all about me isn’t the life I was created for. We were created to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever. So true blessing are when God puts events and circumstances in our life that bring us closer to Him, and teach us more about Him. So while my life hasn’t been everything I wanted, it has been pretty blessed. In fact it is blessed because it hasn’t been everything I wanted. I serve a God who doesn’t give me what I want, but rather what I need. What I think I love the most, though, is that He never gives up on me. Even when I’m so consumed with me, me, me, He never stops gently calling me back. He whispers in His voice of truth until I let go of part of myself, and make room for Him. And that is what I love; I love when I finally hear Him call, when I finally hear Him whisper my name and ask me to follow Him, and trust Him. I’m so glad God chose me, loves me, and never gives up on me. As the pastor also stated this morning, “Christ not only redeemed us, He is also restoring us.” I love the fact that God is so amazing, and I love my Mom, who God also chose to use in my life today, as He has done my whole life. Thanks mom for always telling me what I need to hear even if I don’t want to hear it at the time. I’m so glad God gave me you as my mom!

I love when you start a night with a group of people and then walk away from it knowing that you just made some awesome friends. That’s what happened last night when I went to Celebration on the Grand with some of the awesome freshman on my floor. I started the night not even knowing all their names and then after a few fails, some awesome fireworks, and tons of laughs I found myself in the midst of six new friends. I loved all the laughs we shared at Culver’s and how close we got. Literally, I mean there were way too many people in that one car, but it was all worth it!! I loved how we needed two GPS’s eight girls, and all eyes on all of the road signs just so we could get home. I loved how much we all hated the fact that Saturday Night radio destroys all good radio hits with their remixes!! I loved how we finally found the 1^st Huiz guys after many failed attempts, only to leave them right away!! Maybe next time guys, if we go someplace other than a hotdog place and you give us better directions! Last night was fun and I can’t wait for the rest of the good times to come this year. I’m so glad I have an awesome roomie as a friend. I’ll love you forever Abby!! And I can’t wait to get to know you better, Maxine, Kendra, Mia, Mikaela, Erin, and Tantzi.

 





I love Chaos day!! And I love KHvR!!!!! I am beyond proud of my dorm. For anyone reading this who has no clue what Chaos Day is, it is a day my college spends in competition with each other. Every dorm picks a theme, dresses up and then battles it off in various games!!! And let me just say, KHvR was dressed to kill. We were ancient Greece. We were warriors. We were gods and goddesses. We were Sparta.  Some wore togas, some wore cardboard. Some wore next to nothing, just cape, sword and shield and some tight shorts, since let’s remember, we are not in ancient times and this is a Christian college!! But we looked great, and we cheered loud!!! Did we win? Well that would have to be a no, but I loved it anyway. No other dorm came even close to looking like us. When we marched in, fear is what they felt.  We weren’t 300 strong (less than two hundred of us stood). Nor were we Spartan strong. But we were KHvR strong!! And that is still a force to reckon with. Our banners s, or warriors, our Pegasus!! It was the definition of Awesome, and I loved it all. I loved screaming till my throat hurt. I loved rushing out with hundreds of others to wobble!! And I loved lying out in the sun afterwards, during the BBQ at the end. Chaos day is a day to remember!! And while we didn’t win, I know that KHvR will be remembered. “Remember this day, (KHvR), for it will be yours for all time.”

I love lilies. I love the 1940s. I love art supplies. I love being outdoors. I love laughing to the point where it becomes an ab workout. I love the daydreams of a new beginning. It seems as if everything I try, I fall in love with, and so when I decided to begin a blog, I knew it needed to be able to be about all that I love.  So hear it goes. I hope this will become a wonderful and seemingly random recollection of all the thoughts, moments, and people I love.

I love when you realize, once again how amazing God is. When you look back and see the stitches of God’s steady hand as He wove all of the pieces of your messed up life together to create something beautiful. The moments when you step back and realize that all the joy, pain, confusion, and frustration you went through, led you to a point of becoming; a new point of becoming more like the one who created you.  Today, as I was surrounded by hundreds of fellow Calvin students singing out in praise to Him, the words of that old, beloved, hymn, Come Thou Fount, it all began to click. His love is so amazing and unchanging that I have nothing to fear. It’s a lesson He’s been teaching me, but as I sang the words of this hymn, I saw their meaning in light of my struggles.  My fear of losing all that I love due to my blindness of seeing all that they truly mean to me.  As I sang the words, “Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love,” I realized how unfaithful I am in my love to Him. It voiced my shame, and reminded me of my fear. If I say I truly love Him, then why do I find it so easy to daily leave Him. And, if I can’t even truly love Him, how will I ever be able to truly love others, and in that case, be loved. But the song sang of more than my weakness. “Jesus sought me when a stranger, wondering from the fold of God. He to rescue me from danger interposed His precious blood.” My love is weak, but His love is strong. It finds me, and rescues me. It lets me sing, “I’ll praise the mount, I’m fixed upon it. Mount of Thy redeeming love.” His love for me isn’t just rescuing, it’s redeeming. I don’t need to live in fear of being rejected, because His love receives me. I don’t need to live in fear of my love not being worthy enough, because that price is already paid. His love frees me from all fears so that I can live and love fearlessly. Life will always have its hardships and frustrations. Fear and worry will most likely creep in time after time, but we are still surrounded by His love. And it is in that realization that we can let go of fears. My life is still far from that of a fearless girl marching out into this world to do His work and be His light, but God is taking me step by step and showing me how to live my life in this world, complete in His unfailing love.  My prayer is still that He would continue to, “Bind my wandering heart to Thee,” but my joy is in seeing all that He does in and through me, as He shows me how to let go of my fears and fall into His love.