Jephthah's Daughter

Judges 11:29-40

Jephthah's Tragic Vow

²⁹ Then the Spirit of the Lord was upon Jephthah, and he passed through Gilead and Manasseh and passed on to Mizpah of Gilead, and from Mizpah of Gilead he passed on to the Ammonites. ³⁰ And Jephthah made a vow to the Lord and said, “If you will give the Ammonites into my hand, ³¹ then whatever comes out from the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the Ammonites shall be the Lord's, and I will offer up for a burnt offering.” ³² So Jephthah crossed over to the Ammonites to fight against them, and the Lord gave them into his hand. ³³ And he struck them from Aroer to the neighborhood of Minnith, twenty cities, and as far as Abel-keramim, with a great blow. So the Ammonites were subdued before the people of Israel.

³⁴ Then Jephthah came to his home at Mizpah. And behold, his daughter came out to meet him with tambourines and with dances. She was his only child; besides her he had neither son nor daughter. ³⁵ And as soon as he saw her, he tore his clothes and said, “Alas, my daughter! You have brought me very low, and you have become the cause of great trouble to me. For I have opened my mouth to the Lord, and I cannot take back my vow.” ³⁶ And she said to him, “My father, you have opened your mouth to the Lord; do to me according to what has gone out of your mouth, now that the Lord has avenged you on your enemies, on the Ammonites.” ³⁷ So she said to her father, “Let this thing be done for me: leave me alone two months, that I may go up and down on the mountains and weep for my virginity, I and my companions.” ³⁸ So he said, “Go.” Then he sent her away for two months, and she departed, she and her companions, and wept for her virginity on the mountains. ³⁹ And at the end of two months, she returned to her father, who did with her according to his vow that he had made. She had never known a man, and it became a custom in Israel ⁴⁰ that the daughters of Israel went year by year to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in the year.

I want the heart and joy and faithfulness of Jephthah’s daughter. For that’s all that’s really known of her; but I don’t think I have seen in any human anything more profound and beautiful. She’s this daughter who runs out to her father in joy, and all I can picture is this holistically beautiful girl. The kind that no one can help but love. Someone that beams like sunshine, and it even says how she came out with her tambourine dancing! Can you picture this? She’s everything that’s lovely. But that’s just the tip of who she is. When she is given the news of her father’s vow, and her impending death, her response is this beautiful faithfulness. This unimaginable courage. This unexplainable confidence and trust in not only her father but her God. And not a confidence or trust that is dependent on safety or comfort, but in the awe and love of who God is. I can’t even comprehend having such purity in the truths of my soul from which I live my life. But she exemplifies it.

She’s not the “spared Isaac” of Abraham, she’s the sacrificed daughter, offered up without even the mention of HER name. And her death, to me, seems completely without purpose or necessity, apart from showing a wholehearted love and obedience to God. And so I think to myself, can there be anything else that I desire more than the absolute purity of loving and obeying God for no other purpose than that itself? Her only achievement was the greatest achievement any of us can ever achieve. I have never been so impressed by any other biblical character than this daughter without a name. My prayer is that I may one day be like this sister in the way I live as His daughter. Without need for deed, or recognition, or fulfillment in any other way except for in Him. That the sum of my life will be that I loved and died for Him. And that every action in between was joy and faithful obedience, even when I’m clothed with sorrow at the loss of dreams and hopes. We dream with His bold power and strength, but I want to live in humble faithfulness to Him and His love. I want to live not for my dreams but for His. I want to live not as mine, but as His. I want to live with the heart, and joy, and faithfulness of Jephthah’s daughter.

 

Beautiful Ruins

I love grand architecture and regal masterpieces. I love being in awe of the beauty and evident accomplishments of magnificent creations. Art Museums often tie together the best of both, which is why I often forget to breathe when I visit them. I can’t help but wonder about the stories behind such masterpieces or the lives the designers must have lived.  I get pretty overwhelmed.

The other day, however, I was down in Philly and I got the same beaming smile I usually have when I’m looking at something magnificent, only I was looking at broken down buildings, trash, graffiti, rubble, and just all things not considered glorious. I drove through some of the rougher sections of Philly in my brother’s loud pickup truck whose rumble was drowned out by the music of other beat up cars with their windows down. Later, we rode our bikes around to meet up with some friends in a different section of Philly, and then I ended the night with a train ride back home. I was wide-eyed the whole time.

I remember looking at all the barbed wire on this fence surrounding a used car place, and thinking to myself, “This is the place where dreams can grow. This is the place where the brokenness has already happened and mosaics are ready to be created. This is the place where anything can happen.”

In a museum, the masterpiece is already finished. There’s no room to create, it’s already been created. There’s no room to dream, the magnificence has already been obtained. The only role available to us is to watch in awe; the silent observer with no say in the creating process.

Broken places, on the other hand, are where we often find God. Wrapping us in His grace, restoring and redeeming our broken remains. The thought of this is probably what caused me to beam. Ruins give us a tangible picture of the state of our souls. Only, graffiti and trash cover streets don’t construct an easy picture to behold when comparing it our own life. We’d all much rather feign the outward appearance of the Taj Mahal or Duomo di Milano. A Parthenon ruin claim, if we’re “humble.” Admitting brokenness while still maintaining high regard for our incredibly beautiful remains; still visited by countless admiring souls. The Projects are not the front we ever want to show.  Yet God is able to piece the scattered rubble we’ve become and transform us into masterpieces that make our world’s greatest achievements look like the play-dough creations of a preschooler.  

Broken places are often God’s construction ground, and while it’s unknown to me what He will choose to build in this space, I find myself with the same eagerness of a kid trying to help his or her dad build a fire. Running around picking up the broken sticks and twigs lying around. Dragging the fallen limbs of trees over to my Father, and saying, “look what I found, will this work?” And then watching as He uses them to create a blazing, brilliant, display of His glory.

It’s in the broken places that we get to dream of all that our Father might create and rebuild. It’s in the broken places that we exchange our role as spectator for apprentice to the greatest artisan their ever was.  It’s in this broken place that I am finding myself filled with joy and eager hope at all that He is doing now.

A Box of Broken Crayons

I love art. I love looking at it, creating it, and just being surrounded by it in any form. In fact, this week I wondered more than I have in years about my decision not to pursue art as a career, because I missed it so much. I got to do a lot of painting and I absolutely loved it.

Tonight, however, I went to the school I will be student teaching at, for their welcome back meeting, and was instantly reminded why I wanted to be a teacher. Working with kids, it’s all the things I love about art. It’s seeing beauty, especially beauty in hidden places. It’s seeing something others would overlook and seeing a story, a poem, a focus to a masterpiece. Its appreciating things created; captured beauty or even truth. More than anything it’s the hope. It’s the belief in a dream, or idea. It’s the conviction that there is more than what is seen, and that if you look deep enough you may find it. The same beauty that leaves me breathless in front of a masterpiece; the same passion I get consumed with when I see my paintbrush transform my canvas. It’s the same beauty and passion I get when I see my students. When I walk into a worn down school and look at all the children so many overlook. The ones only a few, if any, dream big futures for. I see them, and I instantly come alive.

Maybe it’s the way my Father has been raising me. The way He’s been telling me not to fear the pain, or fall for the lie that a broken thing is just that. The way He’s been telling me that He makes beautiful things, and if I want we can do some art together. How He calls me His masterpiece, and invites me to come and watch Him restore some of His other masterpieces. Maybe it’s because of that that I get excited when I see people and places others sometimes avoid.

I still remember something my kindergarten teacher told me. She was explaining that it was okay if our crayons broke; how she actually likes broken crayons better. Growing up an artistic perfectionist this stuck with me, because it sounded so outrageous. Broken crayons are not okay. I like my crayons tall and perfect. Or  should I say did. Now I understand where she is coming from. Broken ones are the best.  You can rip off the paper and rub them to get cool textures. And sometimes when they break, you get an even sharper edge that is perfect for coloring in the small detail spots. Broken crayons can be used in some pretty extraordinary ways. I think the same is true of people. There are a lot of people that look perfect, and they do some pretty noble things, and they sure look great in a box of crayons. But life isn’t that neat.

Being a mixed media artist, I have left my perfectionist ways behind. My art space quickly becomes a mess, and I never quite know what I am doing until I’m done. I have more ideas than I can use, far too many hopes, and the chaos of it all is what energizes me. I think that’s what I love about this school and others like it. The meeting was less than ideal. It was noisy and disruptive, with makeshift personal fans to cool us off. The academic stats were low, and there were more problems than achievements. But the principal was proud. She was hard and loving. She was authentic and transparent. She was an artist with a box of broken crayons, and she was loving it.

I have no clue what this year will hold, but the same passion I get when I begin a painting is quickly filling me now. I’m not sure what my masterpiece will look like yet, but as has been the case when I’m painting with my Father, I know it will be magnificent! 

A Simple Journey

I love carefree walks. By that I mean I would rather enjoy a nice walk through the park, over a stressful walk through a city where a map is needed (I hate maps!). And today I realized that I might be living a life comprised of many stressful city walks instead of cheery (and still adventurous, since cities can be very adventure filled!) walks in the park.  Today I went through a prayer labyrinth and was hit with so many insights and questions to ponder.  There was a sheet at the beginning of the labyrinth with some background information and tips on labyrinths and how one can go about praying through one. On it, it mentioned how labyrinths are often confused with mazes, but how they are not the same. A maze is a puzzle that needs to be solved, it requires logical decisions to be made in order to find the correct path; a labyrinth however, has only one path that one merely follows. This was the foundation to the insights that I was hit with as I walked it.

         What if our journey with God isn’t supposed to be some maze filled with a series of choices that need to be made in order to find the path He wants us on? What if we are making complicated something that He has simplified? What if there really is just one path and we just can’t see the clear lines that guide us though all the twists and turns?

        I don’t know if this is the case or not, but let me make some connections to how our lives might look if the journey with God was a labyrinth rather than a maze. (A quick analogy key: The guiding lines – the guiding Holy Spirit in our lives, a Spirit led life; the labyrinth- this life, our journey with God; the nature of a labyrinth, its dead ends and turns – the Christian life)

• When I began the labyrinth I had no clue what turns to make in order to get to the center, and yet I wasn’t stressed out because I knew, or I trusted that the lines would guide me. Also when the path would seemingly dead end and have me circle back and go the direction I had just come, I didn’t get mad or frustrated. I knew that it was just part of the nature of the labyrinth’s path. Efficiency to the center wasn’t the point of the labyrinth either, the journey was.

• Everyone, while they walk the same labyrinth, all have a different experience with it. Not only does everyone go at different speeds, stop at different points, and are challenged and learn different things during the journey, but one can walk alongside someone else for a time even if they are at very different points in the labyrinth, just because of the nature of its curves. We also might think we are very close to the center, or think we are going one direction, and then take a turn and find ourselves somewhere else completely, or end up in a section we had just come from. This seems to be very true of our individual walks with God, both in the way we interact with one another and sometimes go through seasons together, but also in how we seem to learn the same things over and over again.

How this idea can challenge us:

• How can we seek to strengthen our relationship with God and live such Spirit led lives that we just follow His guidance? The guiding lines were the foundation of why this whole labyrinth worked, the reason why I was able to just walk even though I didn’t know where I was going. Likewise, how can I live a life with this sort of effortless trust? Following the labyrinth’s guiding lines didn’t seem like a risky thing to do, it wasn’t hard to trust. So how can I approach my walk with God with that same kind of effortless trust?

• Maybe we are so caught up in the product, the end goal of things that we fail to realize the importance and value of the journey. Getting to the center wasn’t the goal of the labyrinth, walking the labyrinth itself, was. So how do we take time for the process to happen? And how do we trust the process enough to just enter into each day or season accepting all that comes as part of the journey? And I don’t just mean this in regards to trials, or uncertainties and unknowns where trust is required. I mean even in the midst of suffering.  Paul in his letter to timothy says, “Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Timothy 3:12). I’m not saying it will be easy, but it shouldn’t be shocking.  A dead end in a labyrinth isn’t shocking, we don’t say, “What, why did this door close, I thought you were leading me this way!” No, we don’t even think much of it; we just turn around and keep walking! Ok a door closing and suffering, aren’t the same thing, but it’s just this idea of being shocked. Why are we shocked when a door we thought would be open is closed? Why are we shocked when we find ourselves in a place we thought we had left, but have now returned to? Why are we shocked when suffering and persecution come, when the scripture clearly tells us it will? We knew the twists and turns were part of the journey when we began the labyrinth, likewise, don’t we know the characteristics of a journey with God!

With all this being said, it is easier said than done. And here’s a confession. A labyrinth isn’t hard to follow, and yet I somehow arrived at the entrance point and not the center after walking it for a while. I’m not sure where or when I messed up, but guess what, it was okay. I just walked into the center and had my time with God. Life with Him is simple. Love Him, love others, trust Him, worship Him, etc. They are all simple straight forward tasks, and yet we somehow screw it up. But it’s not game over. It doesn’t mean we miss out on being in the center with Him. I guess I could have let my embarrassment that I had messed up keep me from spending time in the center, but it seemed a little too legalistic. Likewise, the lie that what we’ve done, even if we feel like we are the only one, and that it’s just too big of a screw up, shouldn’t be reason enough for us to think we can’t enter into His presence. Don’t let shame keep you from what grace made a way for.

This is not an exhausted list of the comparisons I made, but I hope it gives you some thoughts to ponder as well. Maybe life with Him isn’t some complicated thing. Maybe rather than seeking wisdom all the time to make decisions about which way to go, we should seek a deeper and more evident relationship with Him. So that we can just see the guidance He provides and simply follow Him. Maybe the Bible isn’t some instruction manual, formula, or extensive sheet of directions since life isn’t a navigation of multiple paths, but rather just the act of following one path. Making the Bible simply a way for us to get to know Him and who He is, so that as we follow Him as a sheep would follow a Sheppard, we would recognize Him, and His voice and know what to follow.

Maybe this whole theory is completely wrong, and even if it isn’t completely wrong, I am sure it has flaws. But either way, this mindset on life seems to replace stress with trust, and decisions with guidance. It trades the knowledge of the destination for the excitement of a surprise. And in this adventure, since we aren’t caught up in making sure we are following  right the directions, we can simply enjoy the trip as we simply follow Him through every beautiful (not frustrating!) turn of the journey.

“Every day God invites us on the same kind of adventure. It's not a trip where He sends us a rigid itinerary, He simply invites us. God asks what it is He's made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made. And then, leaning over us, He whispers, "Let's go do that together.” 

                                                                            ― Bob Goff

I think my life is better than a movie…

I love chick flicks. I also love action movies. Put them together and it’s just a great time. That’s kind of how I felt about Thor 2, and while my sisters always make fun of how much I try to take life lessons, truths, and dreams from movies, I couldn’t help myself with this one. I watched this movie a while ago, and of course was jealous of the life Natalie Portman portrayed as she was loved by a good looking god who saves the world and is madly in love with her. But then today as I reflected on my relationship with God and the way He pursues me, and loves me, and I realized that I’m Natalie Portman in this love story! I am unconditionally loved by not just a god, but the God; the one and only true God. And not to go overboard with the movie connections, but, together we get to fight against darkness to save the world! I mean He is clearly the superhero, but He still uses me in the storyline, and it’s pretty awesome!

I know this is all a little ridiculous, but if you really think about it, it’s actually true. We are living in the greatest storyline ever. It’s the greatest love story there ever was. Its action packed, featuring the world’s greatest superhero. And at the end of the day it isn’t just some movie that entertains us for an hour or two, it’s our life! Don’t waste anymore of your life wishing you had a life portrayed in some movie you like. Embrace the one you have. Bask in the love and love story you are in. Get an adrenaline rush in the adventures God is taking you on. Come to the climaxes of the continual battles we face in this spiritual warfare, and find yourself in awe of the way God once again comes out of nowhere to save the day. Don’t live in the blinding lie of believing you have a boring, mundane life. Open your eyes, fill your heart with His love, and get pumped for the life you are in. Cause ever since the day He choose you and made you His, you’ve been the lucky girl that every girl secretly wishes they were. You’ve been beautifully pursued. You’ve been madly loved. And now you get to go on all the crazy adventures with Him. So put the chocolates and tissues down, and go live the action chick flick you’re in.

Love Letters To God

I love love letters. They are so intimate and beautiful. I find it funny how I start off prayers the same way I would a love letter. Dear… and yet I don’t speak or write to God as my lover as often as I should. So for this entry, I want to write a love letter to God (after all He already wrote a whole book of them to me! I should probably write back.)

My Dearest God,

                I recently thought of what my life would be if I didn’t have you my love, and I found in tears that I would rather have never existed than to be in a life where I never saw you. And I say saw you, for you’ve always been there. You, my love, have pursued me, even when I was blind to it, but I have found that my deepest joy has come not from You loving me, but the moments when I was and am overwhelmed with the recognition of that love. And so my love, I am so glad that you opened my eyes and my heart to You and Your love. You’ve made me beautiful. You’ve taken me on adventures. You’ve given me the stars and bouquets of flowers the size of fields.

                My heart still longs for you though. It aches as it seeks for Your presence more and more. The beautiful creation You created for me has now become the gate keeping me from You. For I long to see Your face. To come to the place where I may always find myself in Your embrace. This land is not my home, for Your dwelling place is in the heavens and that is where my heart desires to be. But that time will come soon enough. The place where I can rejoice in the praising of Your name, where I can dance before You, and sing unto You amidst the sweet melodies of a host of angels. Until then, my dear, let’s make this our honeymoon until You bring me home. Let’s go on beautiful adventures together. Let’s take our love everywhere and let it change the world. Even though we aren’t home, let’s never be apart. Lets reveal in this love. My dear, You have become my hearts content. You have become the place where my dreams find meaning. You have become my everything, and I never want that to change. To lose you would be worse than a thousand deaths. And so I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth and back, if it means I never have to let go of Your hand. I’ll climb every mountain, I’ll say goodbye to everyone I’ve ever loved. And I’ll love everyone I have ever hated. I’ll give it all up. I’d do it all for you.  Because if it’s them or You, it’s not even a choice. My heart can’t go on without you. So this life. Beloved it’s Yours. Where You go, I’ll go. Where You stay, I’ll stay. And at the end of it all, I will say, “surely you must know, it was all for you” Every hard, or noble, sad, or beautiful, success or failure, everything I do is for You my love. It’s not for the world, it’s not for fame, or wealth, or success. It’s for you.

                Oh my dearest. I love you so, and yet even as I write this to you, my heart breaks as I see how I will break Yours. I’m sorry. I wish I could love You like You love me. I wish every claim I made, I could make true. I wish my love for You never faded. I wish I didn’t taint my life with all my love affairs. I’m sorry I can’t give You the love You deserve. I am sorry for it all. My love, I don’t deserve you, and yet I need you. I’m desperate for You. But let me not speak of this. Let me not ruin this moment. So my love, while it’s not the words, and promises you tell me, it’s everything I have. My love, in this moment, and hopefully forever, all my love is Yours. All my hopes, dreams, desires, adventures, all of my life, and the eternity afterwards, it’s Yours. All of it. Beloved, I love You.

                                                                                            With love, the one you call Yours

                                                                                                                                Christina

Oh what a glorious challenge it would be, to write love letters back to Him every day. I mean we are literally worlds apart (theologians don’t jump on that, I know the error of that statement, just work with me!), and so how beautiful would it be to read and write back love letters to Him as we let our love grow in this long distance relationship.

Radical Wanderlust

         I love spontaneous adventures! There is just something so thrilling about them. Maybe it’s because in that moment I get to be that person who takes life by the mane and just rides free into the sunset. I get to be an adventurer who lives for more than existence. But what if we took this idea of wanderlust; of desiring to wander into the unknown and live whatever adventure unfolds from doing such, and combined it with a radical life. You know the whole Jesus freak kind of radical. What if we desired to live a life that wandered into the unknown of each day and sought to courageously obey Him with whatever He asked of us? What if we started off each day and asked God, “Hey what do you want to do together today?” Can you even imagine a life like that?

            The thing is though, I’m not saying let’s all go to Africa or some underdeveloped country and see what kind of crazy missions he wants us to do. I mean if that’s the adventure He calls us to, then yeah. But I’m talking about a Radical Wanderlust that can happen in the day to day. I’m talking about the kind of life where I walk down the path on my way to classes, and say, alright God, what are we up to today? Take me where love is needed right here on campus. Give me eyes to see the hurt that needs comfort. The brother or sister that needs encouragement. The apathetic wanderer who needs to be ignited and inspired and then become my fellow Radical Wanderlust wanderer with me! I’m talking about the kind of life that Bob Goff chose as his book cover, Love Does: Discover a secretly incredible life in an ordinary world. I’m talking about just loving whoever God puts in front of us with crazy unexplainable love. Love that defies status quos, and is done for no other reason than “just because.” Bob Goff once said, “Don’t call it missions, call it Tuesday” I want a life like that!

        And today I got that (which is crazy because I started writing out this blog last night, and I thought I was done, but it was late so I didn’t feel like reading it over, and now I actually have a story to write about!). It was my friend’s birthday a couple of weeks ago, and for various reasons I didn’t get to his birthday present till today. So I’m out with my other good friend getting everything we need for it and it was turning into this fun spontaneous adventure, and in the car on our way back she says how she loves how our friend group just does all of these crazy things for each other that are kind of unheard of. And we talked about how it has become normal for us, and how we just love doing it, and how it makes us so happy. And it was crazy, because I saw in that moment that I was on a radical wanderlust adventure. I hadn’t realized it at first because it wasn’t “Christian” or anything, and it didn’t feel like a sacrifice or anything since it made me so happy. But as we talked I saw that it was, I was pouring out a lot of my time and self into this, but it was joy to me. And that’s when I saw the beauty of adventures with God. In the world’s eyes it might look like an irrational sacrifice. Why pour that much into a person. But really, it’s a gift to both the giver and the receiver. From start to finish I had so much fun. And while I was blessed in seeing the happiness our small act gave to our friend, I honestly think I got the better end of the deal. He got the gift in the moment; I was getting gifts the whole adventure through. And at the end of it all I got to call it Wednesday!

          So Radical Wanderlust. It doesn’t have to be something crazy. It doesn’t have to be some huge earth shaking adventure. It can be the small unusual small acts we let into our day. The small adventures we go on with our friends, which are really adventures we let Him take us on, as we seek to unleash the love we have been given from Him into the lives of those around us! It’s just loving those in front of us, regardless of whether it’s a little crazy or not and just doing it no matter what day of the week, month, or year it is. It’s a willingness to love for no other reason than love itself! Radical Wanderlust--it’s the adventures we go on when we love the way God designed us to.