I love love letters. They are so intimate and beautiful. I
find it funny how I start off prayers the same way I would a love letter. Dear…
and yet I don’t speak or write to God as my lover as often as I should. So for
this entry, I want to write a love letter to God (after all He already wrote a
whole book of them to me! I should probably write back.)
My Dearest God,
I
recently thought of what my life would be if I didn’t have you my love, and I found
in tears that I would rather have never existed than to be in a life where I
never saw you. And I say saw you, for you’ve always been there. You, my love,
have pursued me, even when I was blind to it, but I have found that my deepest
joy has come not from You loving me, but the moments when I was and am
overwhelmed with the recognition of that love. And so my love, I am so glad
that you opened my eyes and my heart to You and Your love. You’ve made me
beautiful. You’ve taken me on adventures. You’ve given me the stars and bouquets
of flowers the size of fields.
My
heart still longs for you though. It aches as it seeks for Your presence more
and more. The beautiful creation You created for me has now become the gate
keeping me from You. For I long to see Your face. To come to the place where I
may always find myself in Your embrace. This land is not my home, for Your
dwelling place is in the heavens and that is where my heart desires to be. But
that time will come soon enough. The place where I can rejoice in the praising
of Your name, where I can dance before You, and sing unto You amidst the sweet
melodies of a host of angels. Until then, my dear, let’s make this our
honeymoon until You bring me home. Let’s go on beautiful adventures together.
Let’s take our love everywhere and let it change the world. Even though we aren’t
home, let’s never be apart. Lets reveal in this love. My dear, You have become
my hearts content. You have become the place where my dreams find meaning. You
have become my everything, and I never want that to change. To lose you would
be worse than a thousand deaths. And so I’ll follow you to the ends of the
earth and back, if it means I never have to let go of Your hand. I’ll climb
every mountain, I’ll say goodbye to everyone I’ve ever loved. And I’ll love
everyone I have ever hated. I’ll give it all up. I’d do it all for you. Because if it’s them or You, it’s not even a
choice. My heart can’t go on without you. So this life. Beloved it’s Yours.
Where You go, I’ll go. Where You stay, I’ll stay. And at the end of it all, I will
say, “surely you must know, it was all for you” Every hard, or noble, sad, or
beautiful, success or failure, everything I do is for You my love. It’s not for
the world, it’s not for fame, or wealth, or success. It’s for you.
Oh my
dearest. I love you so, and yet even as I write this to you, my heart breaks as
I see how I will break Yours. I’m sorry. I wish I could love You like You love
me. I wish every claim I made, I could make true. I wish my love for You never
faded. I wish I didn’t taint my life with all my love affairs. I’m sorry I can’t
give You the love You deserve. I am sorry for it all. My love, I don’t deserve
you, and yet I need you. I’m desperate for You. But let me not speak of this.
Let me not ruin this moment. So my love, while it’s not the words, and promises
you tell me, it’s everything I have. My love, in this moment, and hopefully
forever, all my love is Yours. All my hopes, dreams, desires, adventures, all
of my life, and the eternity afterwards, it’s Yours. All of it. Beloved, I love
You.
With
love, the one you call Yours
Christina
Oh what a glorious challenge it would be, to write love
letters back to Him every day. I mean we are literally worlds apart
(theologians don’t jump on that, I know the error of that statement, just work
with me!), and so how beautiful would it be to read and write back love letters
to Him as we let our love grow in this long distance relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment