I love drums. I especially love them when we are worshiping God. Tonight I went to my college’s worship service for a little, and at the end we were singing this song and the drummer got really into it and just started drumming unrestrained. It was awesome; it was like it set the beat to our hearts as we sang out with all we had to our God.  I couldn’t stay still with a beat like that, just as I couldn’t stand still at the thought of how awesome our God is and so the drums just became the rhythm to which my body and worship moved. As the whole room filled with our praise as we sang to be heard over the drums, and yet to the beat of it, it reminded me of one of my childhood images of heaven. I watched a lot of action movies growing up, and one of them was the Matrix Reloaded. In it there is a scene where Morpheus gives this speech to the people of Zion while they are all gathered in this giant cave where he talks of how they shouldn’t be afraid, and how they have been through so much, and yet are still here, and that tonight they should make the walls of this cave shake to let it be known and remembered that they are Zion and they are not afraid. His energy rises as he gives this speech, and when he finishes, the drums begin to beat wildly, and everyone breaks out dancing and shouting. I know it’s a weird picture of heaven, especially since its deep in a cave as human kind is facing extinction, but the part that stuck with me was the unrestrained passion. I use to think that when we got to heaven DC Talk’s Free, free I’m free at Last would break out and we would all start singing and dancing as we worshiped our God and realized that we had arrived. That finally we had come to the end of our time on earth, and entered our eternity with God, and were finally free. It’s weird, I know, that’s what happens to PK’s who are raised on 90’s Christian music and grow up watching action movies too early, but honestly, how awesome would that be, to get to heaven and sing out with reckless worship our Savior, our God. Tonight gave me a glimpse of that dream. I remember looking out at the drummer and seeing this smile on his face. You know the kind that you can only give if you are genuinely so happy you have to call it God given joy. It was that one. He loved his God, and he loved to play his drums, and at that moment he was giving God everything he had, and so he couldn’t help but smile. These moments here on earth show me that Heaven is going to beyond my greatest dreams. If we can worship Him now with smiles only he can give, and heaven is going to be better, than I can’t even begin to image the kind of life heaven is going to be. In the matrix, they wanted to make the cave walls tremble, the earth tremble, in heaven, we are going to make the heavens tremble in honor of who He is. Just imagine, no longer are the rocks crying out, but rather this galaxy in awe of who He is.

“Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember. I remember that I am here not because of the path that lies before me but because of the path that lies behind me. I remember that for 100 years we have fought these machines. I remember that for 100 years they have sent their armies to destroy us, and after a century of war I remember that which matters most... We are still here! Today, let us send a message to that army. Tonight, let us shake this cave. Tonight, let us tremble these halls of earth, steel, and stone, let us be heard from red core to black sky. Tonight, let us make them remember, THIS IS ZION AND WE ARE NOT AFRAID!”

When we get to heaven we will remember the path that lies behind us; all that Christ did for us, both in His sacrifice, but also in remembrance of all He continued to do in us throughout our lives. And we’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the One who gave it all!!!! And we will let it be known how grateful we are as we worship Him!!

I love spending quality times with quality friends. This weekend I got to spend the weekend with some great friends in Iowa, and it was so much fun!!!! Only in Iowa will people ask you if you walked through a corn field to get to where you are, and only in Iowa can you actually say yes!!  I loved getting to see my roommate’s home and family. The weekend consisted of eating way too much food, laying on the floor rubbing our stomachs because we ate too much, laughing, dancing, crafting, fishing, playing with puppies and kittens, seeing Iowa, walking through corn mazes, and eating some more!!!! The trip was a blast, but one of my favorite parts was when we first pulled into the development Abby, my roommate, lived in. Her parents co-own it and so she has a ton of memories with starting it and watching it grow. Anyway, she was super excited to be coming home, and as soon as we turned onto the road, she just went off. Everything she saw had a memory attached to it, and she couldn’t talk fast enough to explain each memory to us. It was so cool to see her excitement, and made me think of how many memories I have attached to my home and where I live.

I loved my childhood. I loved growing up in a big family and being able to just play and be crazy. I have so many fond memories, but one of my fondest is the way I looked up to my dad as a kid. I must have actually thought he was a superhero because whenever I was with him I was fearless. I was the kid who if my dad was in the room, would jump off the top of the stairs because I knew he would catch me. I remember when I was about five being on the tire swing, and my dad was pushing me. I was going super high and laughing, and then all of a sudden my dad’s face changed to one of worry, and I saw the rope the tire was attached to fall. I remember being so confused, since I didn’t understand what the big deal was, clearly my dad would just catch the rope and everything would be okay. He did, of course, and everything was okay, except that my tire swing ride was now over. I remember this story so vividly, and yet I feel like it had to have been a dream or something, because one, that seems to be too intense to be true, and two, I don’t know how the rope could have broke, that’s so unlike my dad!! Regardless, looking back that was how I was as a kid; almost ignorantly fearless since I didn’t realize the danger, but that is something I want back. I want my spiritual life to be more like that of my childhood. I want to be so sure of the strength of my Father that everyone else around me looks at my life with worry, and I am just confused as to why. I want to be like young David, looking out at Goliath, and saying to his brothers, “but why is no one standing up to him?” To be oblivious to the danger of the situation, since my courage is not based in my strength, but God’s.  I want to be the child of God that sees Him in the room with me wherever I go, and just jumps into His arms and His plan without fear, because there is no question in my mind, that He will catch me. The rope may fall, and worry might be seen in the eyes of those around me, but not mine, because I know He will catch it before I can hit the ground. That’s what I want. I guess some may call that kind of courage, and fearlessness, foolishness, and by the world’s eyes, that’s probably true, but it’s also fine with me. We are all fools without God’s wisdom, and so I rather be a fool for God, than a fool for this world. So as I strive to fearlessly live and love for God, I want to learn how to have this faith like a child, and jump into His arms, and plans for me, even when no one else will.

I love when what starts out as one thing, becomes something so much bigger. When I set out with this blog, I wanted to write about the things I love, both the life changing, and small, but day making kind of things. I wanted to write about my journey to get to the point of being so filled with God loves that my heart could never be broken; the point where my life is beacon of God’s love through me.  But lately, I realized that while God’s love heals, it also breaks. It’s a love so selfless that it can’t help but break. Hillsong puts out some great lyrics, and in one of my favorite songs by them, Hosanna, they sing, “Break my heart for what breaks Yours,” and let me tell you that kind of break hurts. I mean it’s a break that led God to send His only son to die for us. By trying to use God’s love as a way to avoid heartbreak, I’ve found it more. I see the hurt and pain in others’ lives and my helplessness to ease it. I wish my love would be enough to ease theirs. That mine would be greater than their need to find love elsewhere, but I know that my love could never be that powerful, only God’s is. But then I watch them refuse to accept His either, and that kind of sadness breaks my heart. All I wish for is that they could be happy, but all I see is them struggle all the while knowing they don’t have to, and it hurts. You try to reach out, but they turn away, and you’re left in tears because you know their tears are coming, and you can’t prevent it. I know God lets us go through these pains because it’s only when we have nothing left that we finally choose Him. I know this is true of all of us, I just wish it didn’t have to be. I mean He’s there all along, why can’t we just take His love and let His love fuel our life, and give us joy. Why do we have to choose everything but Him? But then I think of how much my heart hurts when I see all of this, and realize that my heart only breaks for a fraction of what breaks God. And I remember how God’s love is so much greater than mine, so the break must be all the bigger. I remember how much farther He goes to bring us back, and realize that the hurt He goes through is more than I could ever imagine. I mean His love is greater, so how much greater must His heartbreak be? He went all the way to the cross to show us we’re worth it, and for many of us it still wasn’t enough. The lyrics, “Oh how he loves us,” begin to take on a whole new meaning when I think of what He does to show us, we are worth it. That He loves us till the end. I’m mystified.  I mean think of your favorite love story and then times it by infinity. He is more loving than any Prince Charming and we are more undeserving and despicable than even the cruelest villain, and yet we get to be the princess He fights not dragons, but demons for. The ones He fights for, only to be told, I didn’t want to be saved, go away!! I don’t understand, why He keeps trying, but I’m so glad He never gave up on me, and while my heart breaks for those who like me, reject Him, I find hope in Him. And I find that my downcast heart can still sing for Him, because His love is greater than mine, and while I don’t know how He’s gonna save yet another lost, ungrateful soul, I know He will. “Oh how He love us, oh how He loves us, how He loves us all.”

I love this video. I'm sure many of you have seen this skit before, but it really shows how even as God is reaching out to us, we choose everything, but Him, but how He also never gives up on us!!!

I love the fall. I love when the leaves fall and you just can’t walk down a path normally anymore. This wasn’t always the case, but ever since I met an awesome person who loves to crunch leaves, I haven’t walked the same. Why? Because  if you know anything about the art of crunching leaves, you know that once you spot a good leaf you have to run up to it and stomp on it, thus making your walk down any path far from normal. I love going apple picking even to places that have no apples. And bunny lofts that have no bunnies. I love petting zoos with lamas, alpacas, camels, bunnies, small exotic deer, and big turtles. I love tractor rides and pumpkin picking. I love running through pumpkin patches and corn mazes. I love apple launchers even if they are over taken by little boys who steal  your corn and launch it instead, because even though it makes me sad, it reminds me of other sad, but funny childhood memories, which always make me smile, since I loved my childhood. A childhood filled with memories like when my little stuffed bunny was launched out of the potato canon instead of a potato. And I love, love, love apple cider and apple donuts. I just love all of the activities that come with the fall. But what I love the most is driving down picturesque roads on your way to church and seeing how God’s glory is an ongoing and active thing. Seeing how His masterpiece doesn’t stand still in time like our mere creations, but rather changes just like how we change, for we are His creations too, and His work is still active in us. I love that there is so much beauty in a leaf even as it dies, and falls to the ground. It brings me hope that even in times when my life is changing and I feel like part of me is dying, there is still beauty, because God is present and at work in my life. Just like a tree goes through seasons, so do our lives. We have our springs and summers, but we also have our falls and winters, and while each are all known for something in particular, they are all still beautiful and show testament of His Glory. God is working in me and it makes me so happy that He is my creator, for it means that even in my hardships there is beauty. Just as I find beauty in the trees as their leaves change and die, God shows His beauty in us when we change for Him and die to self. Creation tells of His glory. This is a known fact, by any theologian. My prayer is that we, His creation, would also tell of His glory. That the way our lives change for Him, would tell of His glory in a way that can’t be denied. Lord, I pray that the pains of my life would be like the death of a leaf, and show Your glory.