I love being home. I love being surrounded by all the familiar of all that I grew up in. But most of all I love being surrounded by those I love most, my family. I came home and there was a welcome banner, and almost all of my siblings, and I was just so happy. I love just spending time with them and laughing with them. I love being able to just flop down beside them and laugh about whatever nonsense there is. I love the crazy amount of food my mother is always making, and all the random movies I get to watch with her is subtitles! I love seeing old friends, and best friends, and just getting to catch up with them. Coming home, while it doesn’t have all the activity of college life, is still so refreshing and lovely. I love my friends at college, but there is something about spending time with those you’ve known for years, and grown up with. While I’m surrounded by my family, and yet still on my quest to understand love better, I find myself in constant search to better understand what it truly means to love. I’ve been reading Crazy Love and in it Francis Chan asks whether a heaven with all the things we could want, but no God, would be okay with us. And as I looked at the list I really wasn’t sure. If my family and friends were with me and there was no pain, suffering, emotional distress etcetera. That would be pretty good. I think I would be content, and yet it would be without God, so how can I say that I love Him if I would be okay with a place without Him? This has led me to really seek to find what it is about Him that I really love, and whether or not I really love Him. Do I love Him, or just all that He gives me? I could go on with these questions I’ve be stuck on, but where this connects is when I consider the fact that I am surround by people I say I love, and yet am uncertain of why or whether I love God. I mean how can I love sinners, those who are selfish like me, and who will let me down, but not God, the one who has sacrificed and given me everything! So once again I am stuck with the question of what love is. I know I need to live my life in it and so this break, while I am surrounded by those I love, I want to also spend time with the one who loves me the most, as I hope to truly fall in love with Him.

(* I wrote this a week or so ago, but I forgot to put it up until now!!)